What's In A Friend?

My definition of friendship is unfortunately very narrow. There is a very long list of people who I really like, respect, or even admire, but my list of who I would call a real friend is much smaller. I don’t want to make anyone feel bad or get into “what it takes to be my friend,” because that is not at all the point and it is really arrogant and obnoxious, but I had an interesting talk with one of my good friends that I made here about this topic. That’s right; I said friend. 

It was one of the many nights spent on the back porch after a day at the beach, hookah, and ice cream, and I was thinking about how sad I was going to be when my friend and roommate would leave. And then I thought, that’s extremely weird, Barrett, you have only known this man for three weeks. Then, after thinking more about it, I realized I had been in a similar situation many times before, all abroad. So I proposed the question aloud: why do we build relationships so quickly when we are away from home? Maybe there are people who always build relationships quickly, but I seem to take years at home to develop good friends, so it really is interesting for me. I thought about it being due to fixed time. When we go abroad we know we will only be there for a fixed amount of time, so do we subconsciously speed up our relationship-building process in order to be happy and have connections? Because it has become evident to me that people need to have connections to other people, even if it’s just one, to be maximally happy (theoretically speaking)...Do we cut corners and the bullshit that normally maps out the growth of indefinite relationships? My friend thought for a while and said maybe so, but brought up another interesting point: that it is the kind of experiences you share with someone that aid in growing closer, not necessarily the time spent with them. He said, in all his Germanness, “when you do somesing like sit on a nice beach all the day and watch the sunset it is romantic and special. You get close zees way.” 

And it made me think: all these random people I have known for three weeks or five weeks or even just five days have been really important people in my life because of what I did with them during that time. Seeing something like Iguazú Falls in Argentina is an incredibly, spiritually bonding experience. Exploring Inca ruins and watching a Shaman ritual is breathtaking and only the other people with you know that. It’s the indescribableness of moments you have with people that bring you close, even if it’s only for a day.

Maybe there is no science to it, but it is nice that I got to watch the sunset on this beach one day and in that moment grow closer to a new friend: